3000 calorie lunch?! So here I am at the end of a Café Rio Barabacoa pork burrito thinking to myself “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”; when really I can believe I ate the whole entire burrito, I do this sort of thing all the time. Am I trying to fill some void in my life with food? Yes. Do I think that this food will give me some happiness? Yes. I do get the instant happy “oh my god that was fabulous!” and then “oh Cassy, you are disgusting and you have fat arms!” Pleasure and pain.
28 years old, heartbroken, and searching for something from the past when I should be looking forward. In this search I’ve found nothing and lost my happy, carefree, spunky, lovey Cass and gained Casshole. What the hell am I looking for anyway?! I have better friends and family than money can buy. I have all of my limbs (as if I would still be searching for a lost leg.) I think I just lost touch with that part of reality that tells us human emotions are normal and start searching whenever I cannot control the way I feel.
Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I am going to be sad sometimes and it is ok to be angry about certain things. There is no reason for me to feel guilty about how I feel and if I do not feel guilty then I will be able to open up and talk in order to resolve or put things to rest. So simple…!? Right?
My promise to everyone and myself is that I do not love food more! I love and appreciate you and me with all of the insecurities and “issues”. My new years “resolution” is to stop looking in the past for what I will only find from now on.
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