Sometimes you just need to kill the victim

This has to be easier than I think it is; I mean seriously, your mom can do it! Effectively getting through life with the respect and happiness of yourself and those around you.

I have been growing my hair out for quite some time now and it isn’t really getting any longer, just curlier. Seriously hair, I NEED to be an effective head banger and your just not cutting for me! I am trying to find the right path; half assed.

Buying things. I recently bought three pairs of glasses online for $33, 22 pairs of underwear for $14, and a new pair of Sauconys for $30 and felt happiness that lasted no longer than the thought of what a great deal I got.

I have tried eating to replace that which I have not got and the long-term results actually have a greater negative impact than doing nothing at all. The weight gain, sugar crashes, cravings, etc…

I have tried drinking which creates a longer lasting artificial happiness, but the “crash” is far worse than that of food. The only thing that cures a hangover is to drink more or running!

So I tried running and its great except when there is an injury. Running has a positive effect on my mood, on my body image, on my food cravings, and my motivation, etc… so besides the current injury, why in the last year has it been so hard to motivate myself to partake in this activity? Why is it so hard for some of us to make the “right” choices?

If I cut off the portion of my hair that was growing during the time that I want to get over, maybe the symbolism will help me along my way! I mean I guess I could try meditation, or therapy, or past life regression, etc, but I really am searching for the easy way out. I think I should spend all of my “real” energy on those parts of my life that still have a positive impact on my well (or not so well) being.

Food does not equal love!

3000 calorie lunch?! So here I am at the end of a Café Rio Barabacoa pork burrito thinking to myself “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing”; when really I can believe I ate the whole entire burrito, I do this sort of thing all the time. Am I trying to fill some void in my life with food? Yes. Do I think that this food will give me some happiness? Yes. I do get the instant happy “oh my god that was fabulous!” and then “oh Cassy, you are disgusting and you have fat arms!” Pleasure and pain.

28 years old, heartbroken, and searching for something from the past when I should be looking forward. In this search I’ve found nothing and lost my happy, carefree, spunky, lovey Cass and gained Casshole. What the hell am I looking for anyway?! I have better friends and family than money can buy. I have all of my limbs (as if I would still be searching for a lost leg.) I think I just lost touch with that part of reality that tells us human emotions are normal and start searching whenever I cannot control the way I feel.

Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I am going to be sad sometimes and it is ok to be angry about certain things. There is no reason for me to feel guilty about how I feel and if I do not feel guilty then I will be able to open up and talk in order to resolve or put things to rest. So simple…!? Right?

My promise to everyone and myself is that I do not love food more! I love and appreciate you and me with all of the insecurities and “issues”. My new years “resolution” is to stop looking in the past for what I will only find from now on.

Quotes from Cass Wulle

Cassie Wulle says “there are two kinds of girls, emotional girls and funny girls”