Ofice Life

The very important people at my office sent us an e-mail yesterday asking that we dress nice today because one our VIP clients is going to be in the office. I’m not convinced that asking the people to dress up is the most effective way to make our office seem more professional. We should probably start by removing some of the seemingly hundreds of typed reminder notes posted throughout the office encouraging us to behave more like responsible adults. e.g., in the bathroom “please do not throw your paper towels on the floor when you are done opening the door with them. We have placed a garbage can on outside of the bathroom for you”: Above the sink in the break room “please do not put large pieces of food in the sink as there isn’t a garbage disposal” there are three garbage cans within arms reach of the sink; seeing as how the break room is a 10 by 10 space that’s a lot of fucking trash receptacles! Not to mention it’s very obvious that there isn’t a garage disposal; I hope to one day find out which lazy mother fucker put large chunks of food in the sink! In the break room next to the garbage disposal sign “please do not leave your dirty dishes in and around the sink as there are 50 people in the office and there isn’t enough room for that many dishes.” There isn’t even a need for this everybody, in the office is wasteful and uses paper and plastic dishes and utensils. In fact there is a large amount of complaining when the company supply of plastic utensils runs out and they don’t restock. Lsakdjhfasldkfjasdlkfj!!!
Instead of asking us to dress nice they should have asked us to come to work in our underwear and tell our VIP client “AIG” that we are working on some government funds to get clothes.

Another important item of note: yesterday while I was peeing in the work bathroom a large hairy spider scuttled across the bathroom floor. What?! Is the bathroom the new cool hang out for ugly hairy spiders! It would have been great if there was someone on the toilette who is afraid of spiders, instead it was me who said “ooh weird!” I wonder if the lady next to me was really done peeing!